There is a way through: A guide for people experiencing stress, depression and anxiety - HE2570

Hurihia tō mata ki te rā kia taka te ātārangi ki muri i a koe.
Turn your face to the sun and the shadows will fall behind you.

There is hope

Throughout New Zealand, right at this moment, there are other people like you who have lots of stress, low mood, depression or anxiety; every year one in five people will experience depression, anxiety or both.

You are not alone. Many people have been where you are and have made it through. There is help. There is hope.

"I was lucky enough to be around other people who had survived being really down or living with big fears. I would look at them and think, ‘Well, you’re OK. You’re living your life’, and that gave me hope.”
Tania

About this booklet

This booklet lets you know how to recognise depression and anxiety, how to help yourself and how to get help from others. There is also a section for whānau and friends.

Depression and anxiety can impact just about every part of our lives.

This booklet uses a Māori framework for wellbeing called Te Whare Tapa Whā (the four walls of the house) to address all these impacts: Te Taha Hinengaro (mental); Te Taha Tinana (physical); Te Taha Whānau (social); and Te Taha Wairua (spiritual).

How can I tell if I have depression or anxiety?

Everyone goes through times of stress, fear, worry and feeling down. But when those feelings get really bad or go on for a long time, you may have depression or anxiety.

It’s common to experience both depression and anxiety at the same time.

If your main problem is feeling really down or losing interest in things that you usually enjoy, we call it depression.

If your main problem is panic, being on edge and worrying, we call it anxiety.

Key signs to look out for

Depression and anxiety can show up in all parts of your life.

These experiences can be overwhelming and frightening. However, there are ways through them.

TINANA (PHYSICAL)

• Feeling tired and lacking energy.
• Sleeping too much or too little.
• Eating too much or too little.
• Moving or speaking more slowly or more quickly than usual.
• Trouble relaxing.
• Racing heart, chest pains, sweating and breathlessness.

HINENGARO (MENTAL)

• Difficulty thinking and concentrating.
• Losing interest in things you used to enjoy.
• Worrying that awful things will happen.
• Feeling sad and hopeless.
• Feeling whakamā, shame or a failure.
• Feeling nervous or anxious a lot.
• Feeling like ending your life or harming yourself.

WHĀNAU (SOCIAL)

• Losing interest in whānau and friends and avoiding contact with them.
• Feeling like other people don’t understand.
• Feeling empty and lonely.
• Wanting to be left alone.
• Getting irritated or hōhā with others.

WAIRUA (SPIRITUAL)

• Feeling there is no purpose to life.
• Feeling numb and disconnected.
• Feeling cut off from your tīpuna or spiritual sources of meaning.
• Having bad dreams.

Why is this happening to me?

Hongihongi te wheiwheia.
Know and understand those unseen things that can cause worry, anxiety and fear.

If you have depression, anxiety or both, you’re not alone. But it’s natural to wonder, why me?

Many things contribute to depression and anxiety – sometimes there is no clear reason at all.

Your past

Bad things happening, especially early in life, can increase your chances of depression and anxiety later on:

• Difficult childhood experiences, like abuse, neglect or family violence.
• Traumatic events at any time of life.
• Family history of depression or anxiety.
• Family history of trauma.

Major life changes

We all go through major changes throughout life where we need to adjust to new roles and situations. These changes, even when they are positive, can bring about depression and anxiety:

• Becoming an independent adult.
• Becoming a parent.
• Coming out about your sexual or gender identity.
• Redundancy or retirement.
• A relationship break-up.
• The death of someone close to you.
• Disability, illness and ageing.

Life stresses

Life throws up all sorts of stresses that can lead to depression and anxiety, such as:

• Conflicts with your whānau or friends.
• Money problems.
• Relationship and/or sex problems.
• Accidents and natural disasters.
• Problems with work or school.
• Bullying and harassment.

"I had low self-esteem at a young age. Anxiety. Panic attacks. And then not finding out until almost five years old that I actually had a hearing disability, and it wasn’t that I was a problem child.”
Vesna

What I can do to help myself

Even when it seems you can’t control your feelings, you can control what you do. Just taking a small first step is enough to get you on the path to enjoying life again.

First, talk to someone you trust

Reach out to someone you trust – kōrero with a friend, a whānau member, a workmate, someone at church, an elder or a health professional. They can just listen and be there for you. They may also give you advice and information, as well as practical support.

Peer support is the sharing of experiences to help one another. Trained peer support workers use their personal mental health journeys to help others facing similar challenges.

Go to Seeking support | Depression and Anxiety | Welcome to a Brand New Day to find out more.

"My father said only weak people seek help. But I knew I needed help. Now, how I stay well is by ringing friends and family.”
Gillian

Te taha hinengaro – look after your mental wellbeing

Many people find these approaches helpful:

• Get back into your daily routine, by doing little things like showering, cooking or housework.
• Relax through yoga, meditation or mindfulness.
• Do a gratitude journal for five minutes every day where you list all the things you are thankful for in your life.
• Postpone major life decisions until you’re feeling better.
  

"Writing down my thoughts greatly reduces my anxiety. One thought would lead to another thought and that’s why I got anxious. As long as I can do a reality check and know that everything is okay, then I can get through my anxiety.”
Kate

Te taha tinana – look after your physical wellbeing

There are lots of ways you can look after your physical wellbeing:

• Get up at the same time every day - having a daily routine can make all the difference.
• What makes you feel energised? Try listening to loud music, taking a cold shower, eating something spicy.
• What makes you feel calm? Try making a hot drink, taking a warm bath, dimming the lights.
• Take notice of what you’re eating. Food can be comforting in hard times. Being aware of what you are eating and how it makes you feel can help you find balance. 

"I can’t wait to go have some exercise to know how good I’ll feel afterwards.”
Vesna

Te taha whānau – spend time with other people

Connecting with people can help you feel better faster. Sometimes it helps to plan your social contacts ahead of time, and to go even if you don’t feel like it on the day:

• Meet up with a friend for a coffee.
• Help out at the local community centre or marae.
• Join a local group or a club.
• Go to family or whānau birthdays, anniversaries and get-togethers.
• Spend more time with the children and mokopuna.
• Join an online forum or chat group.

"What helps the most are people who accept it, listen to me and support me. My partner and family, who are always there for me, no matter what. They give me hope and push me to keep fighting.”
Angela

Te taha wairua – reconnect with your purpose

Everyone needs meaning and purpose in life, to connect with their wairua or their spiritual source:

• Do things that make you feel connected such as meditation, enjoying the sunset or listening to music.
• Open yourself to inspirational readings, stories or videos.
• Spend time in your tūrangawaewae or the place you belong and feel safe in.
• Talk to a spiritual adviser, such as a priest or a tohunga.

"The whānau better understood what was happening for me than I knew myself, and they guided me through a process of kaupapa Māori healing. Mostly, reconnecting me with my whenua, my moana, my maunga and my marae, and guiding me through tikanga and matters of wairuatanga.”
Tania

Professionals who can support me

It can be tough dealing with the way you feel, so it’s a good idea to call in someone to help.

There are many different kinds of mental health professionals. Each kind takes a different approach. Take time to think about which one feels right for you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you are:

• finding it hard to cope
• unable to do the things you need to in life
• having thoughts of wanting to hurt yourself

reach out for support from someone trained to help with mental health.

Where to start

A good place to start is your General Practitioner. You can also choose to go straight to see a counsellor, psychologist or other type of talking therapist without a referral from your GP. There is usually a cost involved with this.

Your doctor will ask you about how you have been feeling and then talk with you about what might be the best treatment – usually talking therapy, medication or a combination of both.

They may also help you try out some self-care strategies and check in with how you are feeling.

Suggestions for your visit

There are things you can do to get the best out of your visit to a health professional:

• When you make an appointment with your doctor, ask for extra time to talk because the usual 15 minutes may not be enough.
• Ask a friend or whānau member to come with you as a support person. If you want to, you can ask your support person to talk about what they have noticed.
• Write down any signs or symptoms you have been experiencing – these lists can help you.
• Write down the things you’ve tried that have helped and not helped.
• If your current treatment doesn't seem to be working, you can ask to try another approach.

Finding the right treatment or programme might take time. It’s okay to look for another professional if the current one isn’t suiting your needs.

"My cousin, he gave me that kick, gave me that shove that I needed to talk to a professional person. I went and talked to a counsellor, and that was my turning point.”
Paul

Talking therapies

Talking therapies involve talking to a specially trained mental health professional, usually for several or more sessions, about the challenges in your life. Together with your therapist, you’ll explore what works for you. Sessions can be individual or group-based depending on what you prefer.

Talking therapies can include counselling and psychotherapy. There are many different
methods of doing talking therapy such as cognitive behavioural therapy. Your therapist will help you decide which method will work for you.

"I did a combination of group therapy and individual therapy. The group therapy was awesome for the fact that it made me realise I’m not alone.”
Gillian

Medications

Your doctor may suggest medication for depression or anxiety. It usually works best in combination with talking therapy.

Your doctor should explain to you:

• What experiences the medication should help with.
• How long it will take for the medication to work.
• How long you may need to take it.
• Possible side effects and how to manage them.
• How to stop taking the medication safely.

Medication for depression and anxiety often takes a few weeks to work. People sometimes have to try a few medications before they find one that works for them.

All medications can have side-effects so let your doctor know if side-effects are bothering you.

Some medications have serious withdrawal effects if you go off them too quickly, so it is important to tell your doctor if you want to stop.

"Medication formed one piece of my recovery journey. In the past, I’d expect medication to make me happy. Whereas this time around I expected it to be part of my support kit. It helped me to be able to think clearer, to understand what was going on and to do the work with my counsellor.”
Hannah

Complementary and alternative treatments

Complementary or alternative treatments can be used alongside or as alternatives to medical treatments. While there is a lack of clinical evidence for some of these treatments, many people find acupuncture, massage or meditation work well for them.

If you are considering supplements, and are taking other medication, ensure you talk to your doctor or pharmacist first, for safety reasons.

Complementary and alternative medicine | Healthify has more information about the effectiveness of complementary and alternative treatments.

Traditional Māori healing

Tohunga and other Māori healers provide rongoā Māori healing that offers:

• Mirimiri (massage).
• Karakia (prayers and chants).
• Rākau rongoā (native flora herbal preparations).
• Whitiwhiti kōrero (cultural support).

"I had to first connect with the wairua, through karakia, waiata, and also regular visits to the awa. The main thing I had to do was kōrero, talk and unload.”
Jamie

How much will it cost?

Family doctor

The cost of a visit to a family doctor varies. You may be asked to pay less if you have a Community Services Card.

Medications

Most medications for anxiety and depression cost five dollars per prescription.

Talking therapies

Talking therapy often costs, but there are ways to get it for free:

• Wellbeing Support provides information on how to access free mental health and
  addiction support through general practices, kaupapa Māori, Pacific-led and youth services. These services are free and are for anyone whose thoughts, feelings or behaviours are affecting their wellbeing.
  
  You can check if your general practice has this service or find a cultural or youth service near you at Home | Find wellbeing support | Te Whatu Ora – Health NZ
  
  
• Workplaces often have employee assistance programmes where you can get free,
  confidential counselling for problems or stresses.
  
  
• The Accident Compensation Corporation can also fund counselling for people who have experienced sexual abuse or an accident.

Online tools I can use

It might take time for the positive feelings to return, but keep at it. Things will get better.

These websites and tools have been developed in Aotearoa. They provide safe, up-to-date information and strategies.

depression.org.nz

The depression.org.nz website provides information, validation, self-tests and practical advice for navigating depression and anxiety.

Their advice can help you get ready to reach out for support.

Online tools for young people

• thelowdown.co.nz – a space created with rangatahi, for rangatahi. Find support here for your hauora, identity, culture and mental health.
• sparx.org.nz – an online game that will teach you skills to deal with what you are going through.
• headstrong.org.nz – The Headstrong app offers quick, interactive activities led by a
  virtual guide to help teens build resilience to navigate the challenges of life. It teaches skills to support mental wellbeing and hauora and provides tips on how to manage alcohol use and vaping.

Helplines I can call or text

There are many free phone, text and online chat services with health professionals and support workers trained to help with mental health. 

Whether you need advice for yourself or someone else, these free 24/7 services are here
to help.

General helpline support

1737, need to talk?

Open 24/7
Phone or text: 1737

1737 Peer Support

When you phone 1737 you now have the option to talk to someone with lived experience of wairangi/mental distress.

Lifeline

Open 24/7
Phone: 0800 543 354
Text: 4357

Helpline support for children and young people

Youthline

Open 24/7 for young people, and their parents, whānau and friends.
Phone: 0800 376 633
Text: 234
Webchat: youthline.co.nz
Email: talk@youthline.co.nz

"I rang the helpline when I was feeling suicidal. Somehow it felt safe to talk about it to a stranger who wasn’t in the same room but who you knew was a trained counsellor. The helpline person was amazing. She listened with compassion and guided me though what I needed to do to keep myself safe.”
Maria

Support and counselling for specific issues

Alcohol Drug Helpline

Open 24/7 for people dealing with alcohol or other drug problems.
Phone: 0800 787 797
Text: 8681
Webchat: alcoholdrughelp.org.nz

Gambling Helpline

Open 24/7 for people dealing with problem gambling.
Phone: 0800 654 655
Text: 8006

OUTLine

For sexuality or gender identity issues.
Phone: 0800 688 5463 (10am to 9pm weekdays, 6pm to 9pm weekends)

PlunketLine

Open 24/7 for new parents, including mothers experiencing post-natal depression.
Phone: 0800 933 922

Rape Crisis

For victims of rape or sexual abuse and their whānau.
Phone: 0800 883 300 (hours vary depending on area – see rapecrisisnz.org.nz for more details)

RASNZ Refugee Health and Wellbeing

For refugees and asylum seekers.
Phone: 0800 472 769 or 021 838370 (9am to 4pm Monday to Friday)

Rural Support Trust

For people in rural communities dealing with financial or personal challenges.
Phone: 0800 787 254 (hours vary depending on area – this is not a crisis line.)

Shakti Crisis Line

Open 24/7 for migrant or refugee women living with family violence.
Phone: 0800 742 584

Women’s Refuge Crisis Line

Open 24/7 for women living with domestic violence or fear of it.
Phone: 0800 733 843 (to be put through to your local refuge).

What if it’s an emergency?

If you need urgent help, please call 111 or go to your local hospital emergency department.

Helping whānau and friends

Mauria ko ōku painga. Waiho ko ōku wheru.
Highlight my strengths. Ignore my weaknesses.

Sometimes it’s easy to tell when someone isn’t their usual self, but it’s a lot harder to know how to help, or even how to raise the issue with them. Don’t be afraid to start the conversation. Say you have noticed some changes lately and ask them if they’re OK.

There are many ways you can make a difference. The most important thing is to ask what they need. Don’t make assumptions. Listen with open ears. Be patient and hold hope for them:

• Learn about depression and anxiety especially if you haven’t experienced it yourself.
• Do things together and keep the person involved.
• Give practical support, like cooking a meal or looking after the children.
• Go through the self-help options in this booklet with them.
• Offer to go with them to see their health professional.

If the person talks about wanting to die

If the person talks to you about wanting to die, always take them seriously but don’t panic. These feelings are common in people with anxiety or depression. It is good for people to open up about them to someone who cares and doesn’t get alarmed. If the feelings of wanting to die persist, the person may need extra support from a health professional.

People are at more risk if:

• they have tried to take their own life before
• someone close to them has taken their own life
• they are overwhelmed with hopelessness or panic
• they believe others would be better off if they were dead
• they have access to the means, such as firearms.

If the person starts to talk about how, when or where they want to take their own lives, or if they look as though they are making preparations for death, you need to act urgently. Discuss the additional support they need, such as support from a close family member, a doctor, or the mental health crisis team.

If you think they are at immediate risk, either call 111 or take them to the hospital emergency department.

Getting support for you

Make sure you get support for yourself when you are supporting someone else, as it can take a lot out of you.

Visit Supporting someone | Depression and Anxiety | Welcome to a Brand New Day for more information.

"One of the most helpful things has been our determination to get through my daughter’s depression as a family. We spend a lot of time talking to each other and supporting each other. This has meant that we have never given up hope. The family has stayed together as a family unit and we are strong because of it.”
John